It’s not uncommon to hear parents talk about how “gifted” their child is.

According to CNN Health and Parenting, the truth is that only two to five percent of kids are actually gifted, and only one in 100 is considered highly gifted. Child prodigies are a rare one in a million, literally.

Eager to raise a genius, parents read Shakespeare to the baby while she’s still in the womb, employ educational and stimulation toys and techniques, and enroll her in enrichment classes. Whether wanting their child to be special or simply feeling competitive, many parents are unwilling to settle for an average kid. But giftedness is not something you can give, it’s something that is or isn’t already there.

Even though you can’t create a gifted child, you can help her reach her full potential. Parenting offers these five helpful steps to success:

Forget the gifted label
The term gifted is misused and misunderstood. The U.S. Department of Education defines a gifted child as one who has special abilities in a particular area, including intellect, academia, creativity, artistic ability and leadership. Kids are not generally measured this way. I.Q. tests focus on overall intelligence, so they’re not a good indicator of giftedness. Baby and toddler milestones are developmental and do not typically demonstrate special gifts. More appropriate descriptions of above-average kids — and keep in mind there is nothing wrong with average — might include highly capable or advanced.

Stick to the basics at first
We’ve heard that what we give our baby in the first two or three years of life is critical to the type of person (or student) she’ll become. The fact is, all little ones need love, security and attachment. Babies learn just by living — they’re constantly exposed to new words, sounds, tastes, textures, faces and places. Children will reach various milestones at different times, and that’s perfectly fine. Whether your child is the first or the last to walk in her Mommy and Me class doesn’t mean she’s smarter or less intelligent than her peers. All little ones thrive if they’re loved, held, talked and sung to, exposed to interesting things, read to, and given a sense of order and routine.

Play
Gifted programs, flash cards, brain-building toys and academic preschools are not what toddlers and preschoolers need. Children learn through play. The pleasure that fun activities bring makes their brains want to repeat and remember the activity. It’s natural repetition. It’s learning. Children need opportunities to play and explore without constraints. By playing children learn, experiment, socialize, develop skills and take in the world around them. Preschools should be play schools which are centered on discovery learning and the teaching of skills such as sitting still, taking turns, following directions and sharing. Whether they can count to 10 or 100, children who have accomplished basic social skills will be more successful in kindergarten.

Let your child set the pace
Some kids are verbal and respond quickly to conversations using complex language. A parent might point out the window and comment, “Look at those fluffy white clouds in the blue sky.” Explain your daily adventures to your children — what you’re doing, where you’re going. Kids are naturally curious, and there is learning in everything you do with your young child.

Guide and provide
Expose your child to different experiences and run with the things that interest her. That doesn’t mean you should sign her up for every activity out there. Instead, present your child with real-life learning opportunities to see what piques her interest. If she shows an interest in butterflies, build on it. Read books about butterflies, look for them outside, draw and color butterflies or create them out of craft materials. Stimulate and support her development no matter what those interests are — dinosaurs, trucks or horses — and help her find fun ways to learn about them.

The pressure’s off, so relax. You can’t give your child giftedness, but you can give her the gift of a world full of learning opportunities — starting with reading, singing and playing.

Read more: The educational needs of the gifted child