Who doesn’t want their children to behave well? Margie Markarian figured that most people do so she wrote an aritcle, “Positive Parenting: How to Encourage Good Behavior,” for the latest issue of Heatlhy Children magazine. In the article, Markarian includes a list of discipline don’ts for parents when it comes to getting good behavior out of kids. Here’s a quick summary of Markarian’s big no-nos for moms and dads:

• No hitting or spanking–Using physical force shows kids that violence is an okay way to solve problems. Markarian, as well as many other experts, strongly oppose hitting kids.
• No labels–Calling a behavior bad is fine, but telling your son he’s a “bad boy” is no good for anyone.
• No unreasonable expectations–If you set the bar too high, you’re setting your child up for failure. Don’t expect perfect behavior from your daughter late in the afternoon when she hasn’t napped all day.
• No idle threats–Mean what you say and say what you mean. Kids learn quickly if moms and dads don’t follow through with their warnings or threats.
• Avoid inconsistencies–Don’t let the kids play you against your spouse or partner or co-parent.  Divide and conquer is bad here. Always present a united front.

When I first heard about the TOTO, I thought to myself Oh, heck no! But, I’ll let you be the judge. TOTO stands for Take-Out-Time-Out. It’s a portable pad that moms and dads can bring with anywhere and throw on the floor when they want junior to take five in time out. The idea here is that it creates a consistent time out spot.

Hmmm.

You’ll have to decide if it’s worth the $15 or so that you’ll spend once it’s all said and done. Of course, the other option consists of you pointing to a chair or bench or a spot on a nearby rug and simply making it the time out spot of the moment.

Inconsistent? Maybe?

Crazy? Not so much.

Effective? You bet.

Free? That’s the best part.

Feel like you’re at your wit’s end when it comes to disciplining your toddler? “If a parent tries something but gives up in frustration, the child learns from a very early age that mom doesn’t really mean what she says,” says Joanne Baum, PhD, a mother, therapist, professional speaker, and author of Got the Baby Where’s the Manual?!? Respectful Parenting from Birth Through the Terrific Twos (Mountainside Press, 2007).

Here are some important discipline tips to remember:

• Mixed messages confuse toddlers, so don’t try too many methods at once. In other words, if you give a time-out, ignore the bad behavor, and take a toy away after your toddler kicks you, it’ll be overload and he won’t associate his offense with the resulting discipline.
• How you communicate is just as important as what you say, including body language, tone, and voice inflection. Be stern, but try not to show anger. Get down to your child’s level and make eye contact to be sure the message is getting across.
• It’s healthy for toddlers to know their behavior is upsetting to you. If you’re constantly smiling, praising or overlooking, they’ll miss the signal that they aren’t behaving appropriately.
• Toddlers comprehend consistency. If your toddler keeps throwing food and you keep taking it away, eventually he’ll understand that if he wants his snack, he won’t throw it.

Share your toddler discipline success story.